These Words given by My Dad Which Helped Us during my time as a New Father

"I believe I was merely just surviving for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the actual experience quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good place. You need support. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a larger failure to talk among men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a display of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - taking a few days away, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a change to focus on his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a family member, your other half or a professional what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that made you feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - taking care of yourself is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional support he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they faced their pain, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."